Head Hunt

About a year ago, I left the quixotic world of Advertising for the luxurious world of working in a non-profit thrift store. The biggest adjustment has been my paycheck missing about $30,000 of the amount it used to contain, but at least the stress-level has tapered off, and at the end of the day, the store's cause is beneficial, which is more than I can say for writing ads for Smooth Away Hair-Off Mittens.

Occasionally, I receive a reminder of the old days, when a headhunter or staffing agency will email me, pitching a potential job opening in the field. When I worked in Advertising, these staffing companies were the gateway into most jobs. Unfortunately, the type of people who work as recruiters tend to have chosen staffing as a fourth or fifth career path, having tried their hand at Advertising themselves and left, or perhaps they are still hoping for the TV/VCR Repair Degree they earned online to come in the mail.

Similar to used car salesmen, and the workers at electronics stores who try to sell you a five-year warranty with your purchase of two AA batteries, these staffing agents would attempt to place me in whatever job opening they had, regardless of whether I was qualified, interested, or even available for it.

To be fair, there are a lot of well-established headhunters who thrive off of being knowledgeable on positions and people in the industry. Unfortunately, the staffers I dealt with were the ones who work at the equivalent of a Cathouse in Las Vegas. Young, attractive girls sitting in a sea of cubicles, giggling into the phones. Scantily dressed women clacking around aimlessly in stilettos, red lipstick-rimmed coffee cup in one hand, generic job description dialogue script in the other. With the power of bluetooth, and the magic of Stacker 2, they would call me, squeaking in a chipper cheerleader tone, as they used words such as "multi-tasker", "dynamo", and other stock phrases that have become nonsense through endless repetition.

My goal became to weed out the useless ones who would waste my time and energy, before having to set foot in their office, by attempting to gauge what kind of jobs they had, if they did indeed have any. The phone conversations and email interactions usually left me frustrated, appalled, but mostly jobless.

Ladies and gentlemen of the court, I give you Exhibit A, compiled from original email exchanges (obviously names have been changed)...

Hi Meredith,

My name is Randi and I saw you posted your resume in response to job#98798 PROJECT MANAGER/AD AGENCY on Jobbie.com. I have many exciting positions in Advertising I would like to discuss with you. Please email me your current job status and availability ASAP and we can get started on finding you a job!

Have a super day!

Randi
Randi Leighton
Beauregard Staffing
"Where Excellence and People converge to form Excellent People"
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Hi Randi,

Thank you for your interest!
Currently I am working as a Freelance Project Manager, but I am looking for a full-time, permanent position in a Ad Agency. The Project Manager position I applied to on your website seems like a perfect fit for me. Could you tell me more about it?

I look forward to working with you!
-Meredith
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Hiya Meredith,

Could you please email me your resume in Word format or as a PDF?
We currently have many exciting positions available. When would you be available to come in and interview with me?

Have a great afternoon!

Randi
Randi Leighton
Beauregard Staffing
"Where Excellence and People converge to form Excellent People"
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Hi Randi.

Attached, please find my resume in Word format. Is the Project Manager position still available? Do you currently have similar positions?

Thanks again!
Meredith
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Aloha Meredith,

We have many positions available in Finance. Why don’t you come in and meet me on Wednesday at 1:00pm?

Have a great weekend!

Randi
Randi Leighton
Beauregard Staffing
"Where Excellence and People converge to form Excellent People"
_________________________________________________________
Randi,

Unfortunately I am not really looking to work in Finance, but I appreciate the offer. Would it be possible for you to tell me about the PROJECT MANAGER positions you have available at the moment?

Thanks,
Meredith
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Shalom Meredith,

How does Tuesday at 3:00pm work for you? I forwarded your resume to a great company and they would love to have you come in and interview. I would just need to meet with you first.

Have a happy Monday!

Randi
Randi Leighton
Beauregard Staffing
"Where Excellence and People converge to form Excellent People
____________________________________________________________
Randi,

Is this for the Project Manager position at the Ad Agency? What company is it?
Thanks,
Meredith
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Salam Aleichem, Meredith!

This is an exciting opportunity in a creative and dynamic environment. The company is looking for a multi-tasking, hard-working, go-getter - a real dynamo! The hours are 8:30am - 8:00pm, and there is no paid overtime, but it is a really fast-paced, artistic environment.

I think this is the perfect job for you!

Randi
Randi Leighton
Beauregard Staffing
"Where Excellence and People converge to form Excellent People"
_____________________________________________________________
Randi,

Great Randi, could you please tell me which ad agency this is for so I can do some background research on it?
Thanks,
Meredith
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Hola Mereditha!

The company is not actually an ad agency per se, but there are so many perks to the company! The office is located in midtown, next to Port Authority, which makes commuting a snap. Not to mention the fast-paced atmosphere of a wheelchair factory!

So how about Thursday at 1:00pm, you can come in and fill out some paperwork, then we can send you straight down to the company for an interview.

Randi

Randi Leighton
Beauregard Staffing
"Where Excellence and People converge to form Excellent People"
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Did you say the job is at a wheelchair factory? -M
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Jambo Meredith,

Yes, a fantastic one too! I shouldn’t be telling you all of this since it’s such a high-profile job, but you’re like a sister to me so here goes...the position is reception/office manager/executive assistant to the president of Wheel Locks and Casters. It’s a great foot-in-the door position at a prestigious wheelchair co!

So how about Thursday then?

Randi
Randi Leighton
Beauregard Staffing
"Where Excellence and People converge to form Excellent People"
_____________________________________________________________

There's a place in hell for people like you, and it's called Beauregard Staffing.
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Howdy Meredith,

I’m so glad you’ve decided to come in. Remember to bring proper ID for your forms!

Randi
Randi Leighton
Beauregard Staffing
"Where Excellence and People converge to form Excellent People"

I rest my case.